Books that changed the way I see the world
Creativity in 2020: Part 4 of 5
In a scene from my favorite underrated romantic comedy, How Do You Know, Reese Witherspoon’s character gives therapy a try, sort of. She walks into the therapist’s office and almost immediately walks back out, but not before asking the therapist (who is, incidentally, played by the wonderful character actor Tony Shalhoub) if he can tell her “one general thing that you’ve found over the years to be generally true … in a general way … that could help anyone with any situation.”
Each of us faces different challenges in life and creativity. That being said, I’ve gathered in this newsletter a list of books that I find to be generally true, with words that will encourage anyone. And yes, these are books that fall into the “self-help” genre, which is a term I’ve never liked. First of all, “self-help” can mean something that tells people “You’re great! Be happy! It’s all in your attitude!” without any practical application or required work. You know the kind of book I’m talking about, and I won’t name any examples here. If the ideas you’re taking in don’t acknowledge or illustrate the fact that being happy is A TON OF WORK, they probably aren’t going to help you.
Second, I think the point of a true “self-help” book is the fact that you are not trying to help yourself by picking it up. You’ve been trying to find your way, but you’re a little lost and it would be nice to take a look at this roadmap and see if it points you in the right direction. You’re stepping into someone else’s experience for a while and learning from their research so you can come back to your own life with new insights. You’re literally reaching outside of yourself and your poor tired beleaguered brain and all of the probably-not-true-or-helpful things it’s telling you to listen to another, more objective, (hopefully) kinder voice. Perhaps we should start calling this book genre “asking other people for help.”
I’ve needed to reach outside of myself for help many, many times in my life, and books have always given me a good starting point.
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
It always sounds melodramatic when people say, “This book changed my life,” but Big Magic truly was the kind, thoughtful, get-your-shit-together wakeup call that I needed when I read it a couple of years ago. (If Elizabeth Gilbert’s name rings a bell but you can’t place it, she also wrote the bestselling memoir Eat, Pray, Love.)
The big lightbulb moment of this book for me was when Gilbert talked about having an idea and then setting it aside for two years, thinking she could come back and write it later. She eventually went back through her notes and realized that the idea had evaporated. The story she had been so excited about two years before was gone, and she would never write that book. This anecdote opened my eyes to my own procrastination and all the times I promise myself, “I’ll write X someday when I feel ready and I have ‘time.’”
While that was the moment that stopped me in my tracks and changed my life overnight, the whole book is a lovely, encouraging read. Gilbert acknowledges her privilege as someone who lucked onto the bestsellers’ list and uses her platform to encourage everyone to bring creativity into their lives and view it as their birthright as a human. Anyone who is fascinated by creativity will enjoy the stories she’s collected about people discovering latent talents and passions at all ages, and her openhearted view of creativity is encouragement for everyone, not just writers.
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
If Big Magic was the gateway drug, The Artist’s Way was when I really got hooked … which may be a poor choice of words considering that author and playwright Julia Cameron designed her course for discovering your own creativity around her transition from being an alcoholic to being a recovering alcoholic. The Artist’s Way is a 12-week course contained in one fairly slim paperback volume, and if you want to discover or rediscover your creativity, it’s probably the best $13 or so that you’ll ever spend.
If you’re a Type A creative like me who loves structure, you’ll appreciate how nicely this creative journey is laid out with exercises for each week. But even if that approach doesn’t fit you, I recommend picking up this book if only for Cameron’s evolution from alcoholic to healthy creative. She blows up common misconceptions about artists and forces you to confront your own fears and the lies you tell yourself about your creativity. I loved that this book counteracts our society’s vision of creatives as stumbling, broke, sad, addicted artists creating in an alcohol-fueled haze (ahem, Mrs. Maisel) and offers something far more genuine, wholehearted, sustainable and fun instead.
The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin
This is the only personality framework anyone really, truly needs. I like Meyers-Briggs; I’ve heard mixed things about the Enneagram. But the Four Tendencies is the clean, simple, straightforward and immediately helpful framework that I need everyone to look at and start using right now so we can all be on the same page.
Why can some people get themselves to do things, while other people need the pressure of a deadline, a coach, or another external force? Why are some of us rule-followers, while others have to question every guideline? Gretchen Rubin lays out four natural tendencies: Upholder, Obliger, Questioner and Rebel (you can take a free quiz on her website to see which one fits you). Each of these tendencies responds in a certain way to outer expectations and inner expectations.
I’m an Upholder who responds both to outer expectations like deadlines and inner expectations like my own reading lists that I create for myself. I thrive with structure and love to make to-do lists (inner expectations). But because my natural tendency is to follow guidelines (outer expectations), I can struggle to think outside the box. Using this personality framework has helped me not only to understand how to play to my own strengths as an Upholder who can make her own schedule and stick to it, but also to notice my weak points and learn to push back more instead of going unquestioningly going along with the rules. It’s also helped me to be more understanding with other people – I’ve realized that an approach that works for me may not work for someone else.
Don’t Overthink It by Anne Bogel
As you can see from this list, I’ve read A LOT of self-help books. But Don’t Overthink It filled a very specific gap that was tripping me up on a daily basis. This is a book for those moments in adulthood when you are torn between two decisions and there just isn’t a “right” one. Either choice could be a great idea or might not work at all, and you won’t really know until you make a decision, but because neither one is “right” in a black-and-white sense, you keep going around in circles. Planning our lives is great, but if we get stuck in planning mode because we’re over-analyzing every reason why a decision might be “wrong,” are we really enjoying and embracing our time here?
I think about some of the tips in this book almost every day, in the moments when I catch myself obsessing over a problem that I have no control over or when I’m stuck between two options because they could both work. Don’t Overthink It is a book that’s summed up in its title, but it’s also a thoughtful read that is equal parts practical and kind. If you also find yourself in overthinking spirals, I recommend picking it up.
Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
In terms of practical application, I follow very little of the nuts and bolts writing advice in this book in my own work – and yet, Bird by Bird is what I would recommend as the ultimate book on writing because it’s warm and gentle and it gives you a place to start. I probably think of the title essay once a day, maybe more than once if life is especially hectic. I can’t imagine anyone picking up this book and not falling in love with Lamott’s raw, honest, funny voice that goes straight to the heart of whatever she’s writing about. Whether she’s writing about writing or just writing about life, her willingness to share what she’s learned from living through hard things is half gut punch, half hug. If you’re a writer, or you aspire to be a writer, or you’re simply someone who feels stuck in life right now and needs some direction, picking up Bird by Bird is a truly lovely and kind thing you can do for yourself.
This is Part 4 in a 5-part series about creativity in 2020. Go here to read the first installment, which lays out one practical framework for turning big ideas into small, doable, fun goals. Part 2 is about preparing vs. “feeling ready” for creativity, and Part 3 is an exploration of what a healthy creative process can look like (Spoiler alert: It starts with simply showing up).