Retraining your attention span

I believe in you.

If you’re struggling to focus – especially in the year of our Lord 2020 – you are SO FAR FROM ALONE, my friend. But I have good news. Good news, full stop. There is no bad news in this newsletter because we get too much of it everywhere else.

In 2019, one of my New Year’s resolutions was to “do less.” I found myself in a cycle of too many evenings with wine + Twitter + Netflix. I don’t think any of those things are bad, but the problem was that I was too caught up in a haze of multitasking to enjoy any of them.

I wrote:

I want to do less in 2019. I want to watch TV while I’m watching TV … instead of drafting tweets, deleting them and then glancing up to realize I’ve missed a crucial moment in “This Is Us.”

I wanted to be able to follow what was happening on TV shows I loved. I wanted my reading life to be more fulfilling. I wanted more mental space to think through ideas and feel open to possibilities. I wanted moments of stillness. I wanted to be able to sit through two hours of a movie again.

So, I started really, really small. I see a lot of “advice” go by about how you can magically replace all the hours of TV in your day with reading and why we should have so much extra time during this pandemic to go write the next War and Peace (something literally no one wants anyway), and I think that rhetoric is useless, even harmful, because it makes reclaiming your attention span seem unattainable.

Here’s what I did: I started trying to watch one episode of a TV show I was hooked on without looking at my phone. That’s it. My first training ground was simply to do my best to focus on something entertaining and fun for around 22 minutes.

Over time, I got better and better about not looking at my phone while I was watching a TV show. I started reading for 10-15 minutes over a lunch break at work instead of trying to eat at my desk or scrolling through Twitter. As it turns out, 10 or 20 minutes of reading a day adds up to a lot of reading, even if it doesn’t make good clickbait.

I’ve also been seeing a therapist who uses the cognitive behavioral therapy approach for about two years, and the CBT method has been a huge mindset shift as I learn to notice my own thoughts and when my brain is racing around, seemingly out of control and unable to focus. Noticing your thoughts and gently stopping your brain and redirecting it are skills that you continue to practice every day.

If you take one thing away from this newsletter, it’s the fact that some focused time is better than no focused time. Full stop. Starting with 10 focused minutes here, 15 focused minutes there is a huge win because it means you started. Be patient with yourself and remember that every time you notice how distracted you are, it means your attention span is improving because you’re able to notice it.

Here are some of the ways I’ve been working on my attention span. I hope they give you a place to start.

1. Make a list.

I know if I don’t write down that errand I need to run or thing I should order before it runs out, it will keep bouncing around in my mind and distracting me when I’m trying to focus. Free your brain of those everyday worries by putting them in a safe place where you know they won’t slip through the cracks: on a notebook page, in a Calendar reminder, post-it on the fridge, whatever works for you.

2. Outsource whatever distractions you can.

I use a mix of calendar events and phone alarms to make sure I don’t forget something I need to do at a certain time. I don’t have to think about a daily task because I know the alarm will go off once a day and remind me.  

3. Use a timer.

I rarely write without a timer. It lets me know that I’m spending 20 or 30 focused minutes on writing, and I get so much further than I would if I spent all afternoon “writing” with a bunch of distractions (which used to be my method). Sometimes it’s a way to get started, and sometimes it’s just “OK, I spent 15 minutes writing, and that’s all I can do today.” I add a lot of qualifiers to my advice because I know not everything works for every person, but I can 100 percent, absolutely, money-back-guarantee promise you that even 10 minutes a day of focusing on something that matters to you will get you closer to your goal than zero minutes a day will.

4. Do the thing.

If something is bouncing around in your head and distracting you and you can do it right now in 5 minutes or less (send that email or text, buy that boring but important thing you need online, schedule that appointment), just get it out of the way. Then go watch that fun 22 minutes of TV without looking at your phone and brag about how you are now the most focused person ever.

5. Ditch what you're watching or reading.

If you can't focus on something you're supposed to be reading for fun, switch to something that is completely appealing and "easy" to read. Don’t pick up anything that was in the running for a Pulitzer. DON’T DO IT. After the 2016 election, I went through a period of reading a bunch of celebrity memoirs because they felt fast and mindless and they distracted me. I'm glad I did that because I was at least able to keep that reading muscle in relatively decent shape before I started trying to rebuild it to read something more demanding. Pick your glossy, fast, easy reading equivalent. Or maybe pick up a book of short stories if you don’t have the attention span for a novel right now (you can find recommendations for some amazing collections here). Or reread a childhood favorite. This is your reading life, and you get to decide what’s right for you to be reading right now.

If you can’t focus on a TV show, maybe you should be watching something more interesting. TV by design, definition and function is supposed to be entertaining and hold our attention. Maybe try Dead to Me or The Good Place, two very different shows that operate by completely blowing up the story at the end of each episode. Once you’re comfortable with not checking your phone for that 22- or 30-minute TV episode, start building up your attention stamina to watch a whole movie. I highly recommend something fast, fun and engrossing: maybe a weird thrill ride like A Simple Favor, or last year’s delightfully twisty Knives Out.

6. Build a few minutes of quiet into your day wherever you can.

Your brain is truly your superhero sidekick designed to come in and help you out with that work problem you can’t solve or that fun project idea that isn’t quite clicking. Giving yourself open space to daydream is key for letting those moments happen. I have an 8-minute walk that’s part of my commute, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought of something to write about or made a key realization in those few minutes of quiet.

I’m also a firm believer in walking away for a few minutes if you’re stuck on a problem at work instead of mindlessly staring at your computer hoping the answer will magically hit you. Your mind needs time to churn through the information it's working on before you try to give it more. Take a walk around the block and see what answers your refreshed brain supplies when you get back.  

7. Meditate??? 

Confession: I haven’t yet been able to get myself to meditate regularly, even though it’s something I want to make part of my routine. I’ve tried meditation apps, I’ve made resolutions, I’ve put it on to-do lists, and yet somehow the habit always evaporates. But I keep meditation on my near-future goals list because I know how powerful even a few silent, focused minutes can be. In the meantime, I’m working on simply making sure I “meditate” by existing in my daily life, that I really taste food, notice the smell of fresh air, feel my muscles working when I exercise. I think we miss out on a lot without that extra little bit of attention.

8. Check in with yourself.

Are you going through a life event or struggling with a specific source of turmoil that is wrecking your focus? You may just need to cut yourself some slack. I know I had to when I purchased my first home over the summer, and I’m glad I gave myself space to be stressed and somewhat scattered and unable to do much writing while I was going through something uniquely challenging.

There is a line though, and only you know where it is. When COVID-19 changed what normal life looks like, I saw a lot of talk about how we should let ourselves do whatever we want to survive, even if it’s borderline self-destructive habits that only feel good in the moment. Give up on everything and eat candy and watch TV, because this time is stressful. I have a lot of sympathy for that perspective, but I think the key is to remember that it’s not sustainable. It’s up to you to figure out if the turmoil you’re experiencing is a specific, unique event that will pass or if it’s simply the fact that life is always going to be stressful. I know how hard pinpointing that line is, and I wish you the very best luck with finding it.